that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
