the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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