from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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