Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
