Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
