Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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