If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
