Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
