history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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