she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
