you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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