there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
