if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
