Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
