READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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