Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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