tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
