anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have aggressive nipples.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
