This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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