He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
