I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
