Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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