I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
