he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
