They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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