I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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