Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
