I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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