I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
