I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
