if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
