I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your cock deserves a montage
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
