Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im holly from the hills drunk
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
