I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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