So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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