if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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