So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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