I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize