Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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