maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
