I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
