My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
