never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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