Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize