I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
