Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i think my cat just said my name.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
