I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
