I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
