I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
