If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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