I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
