I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
