I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
