I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
