That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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