Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
