I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize