dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
