Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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