my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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