im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
