My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
