Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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