I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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