I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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