He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
