i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
