is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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