life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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