I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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