Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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