if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize