i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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