we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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